I was really excited to come home from physical therapy today to find my rib sitting on the front porch. I didn't expect it to arrive so soon or even at all. It originally could not be shipped because it was in formalin, which is highly flammable, toxic and a carcinogin. But when I picked it up from the doctor's office it had already been packed in alcohol and water. I figured this would make it a lot easier to get on the plane being as it was not a flammable substance... well, I mean not like formalin. Little did I know, the TSA does not really make a whole lot of sense in what they allow on the plane (I mean really- knitting needles versus a 3" knife? C'mon. I can do a lot more damage with knitting needles...anywho.). The lovely representative that I sprung the crazy question on informed me that they do allow stuff like that on the plane if it comes with specific documentation (other than the hospital label on it) and it's medically necessary. Since it's not medically necessary, it would be up to the individual screener whether or not I could take it on. Well that's just ignorant. Anyway, he then informed me that hey- alcohol can't be carried on the plane... so maybe if it had been in the formalin, they would've allowed it on, but since it's in alcohol it can't be. Did they think I was going to drink it? It's rubbing alcohol, not vodka! 
For a few days I considered how I could smuggle it through security. It would have to be taken out of it's jar for sure. Then I could place it in a plastic bag and into my pocket. It would have to be taken care of as soon as I got home of course. Then I pictured how it would look if they saw something in my pocket and asked me to remove it. Low and behold, a human rib being smuggled through security at an airport. I really didn't want to be arrested after all I've been through recently. Then I got a great idea. If I wore a sports bra and a t-shirt, I could place the rib in the empty space in the middle. No one would see any sort of bulge and no one would think to look there if I wasn't setting off any alarms. Again, the thought of being arrested disturbed me a little.
So I put it in a padded envelope, paid an extra $2 for a tracking number and placed it in the hands of the US Postal Service. Really I have no faith in any federal government entity. But they pulled through, I have to hand it to them. $7 later, the rib was sitting on my front porch. They never would've shipped it if it was still in the formalin, but alcohol is shipped all the time. I even called the Post Service and asked if there was any restriction against shiping human body parts in a preservative liquid (that's not how I put it of course). The lady couldn't find anything in the rule book, but she suggested I call the shipping department and ensure I met all the packaging criteria for it. I didn't, but life goes on. No, it wasn't labeled according to standards and yes I probably could've been fined for that, but having just had yet another surgery I didn't feel like going through any extra trouble.
Today I set about the arduous task of cleaning the darn thing. Had I known it was going to be that tough I would've just brought it to a taxidermist. Seriously. I put it in a pot (one that's being sold at the garage sale next week) and boiled it along with some oxy-clean that I found in the cupboard. I found a couple websites that instructed me how to do this. I'd recommend some, but really it's better to just take it in to some one else. So every few minutes I'd take it out and attempt to pull, scrub or clip some of the meat off, then put it back in to boil longer. I got most of it off... 3 hours later it's now sitting in peroxide to try to get what's left off of it and bleach it a little. I'm not sure either is happening, but I've gotta have hope. I refuse to seal this thing off until I Know it's not going to rot like crazy. Eww.
So how did I feel about all this? At the bottom of the jar was little pieces of meat that had fallen off on their own (I guess). As I set out to open the jar and dump the pieces of meat out, I felt a momentary sense of loss and sadness as a part of me was about to go down the drain. I'm serious, it was weird. I've become quite attached to this rib in the short time it's been outside of my body. After dumping the floaters and pulling out the rib, the sadness went away replaced by an excitement for my cool little rib. Boiling it started to release a bit of the formalin smell and I started having flashbacks to my anatomy class from my college years with cadavers, kitty cadavers, cow eyeballs and cold steel work stools. It also made me want to revert back to my vegetarian ways. I was starving, but didn't manage to eat a whole lot. After boiling and scrubbing away at that darn thing, the significance of this being a human body part (my body part) was overshadowed by my frustration and determination. There was no way I was just going to call it quits and abandon my rib. So yeah, now it's soaking in peroxide for who kows how long. Then I'll probably take it out to dry overnight and see what it looks like in the morning. I'm exhausted. 
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