Not Everyone Wants Kids

The other night, my tequila clan was discussing not wanting kids. I was actually quite amazed that I wasn't sitting there hearing an argument about how "when I find the right man" I'll want kids, or "when I get older" I'll want kids. It seemed no one in my clan wanted kids... and we're all female. Hmm. Odd.

So I googled "not everyone wants kids". Phew. We're not alone out there. All my life I've been told: you will when you get older, wait until you meet the right man, you'll change your mind, it's the most wonderful thing in a woman's life. Let's address these, shall we?

You'll want kids when you get older. I understand why people told me that when I was 16 and repulsed by the screaming snotty little creatures, but people, I'm almost 30 and I don't hear anything resembling a biological clock. So if I want kids the day I turn 50, I'll let you guys know.

You'll want kids when you meet the right man. Hmm. From what I understand, the right man for me would share the same values on core (and very important) issues... meaning he wouldn't want kids either. So if I ever meet the right man, he won't want kids, so wouldn't that be counter intuitive? Why would I be with him if he wants kids? He's not the right man... so even if I was with him, I haven't met the "right one" yet. Self explanatory?

How could I possibly miss out on the most important thing in a woman's life? Well really it's all relative. If it's not in your life, there's probably other important things that you enjoy. I enjoy my job, I enjoy my freedom to just randomly buy a plane ticket and go somewhere. I enjoy living in a quiet house all alone. I enjoy being able to sleep where ever and only having to worry about getting home to water my plants before they die. I'm a strong, independent and free-spirited woman, and I think that's extremely important. And I certainly don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

For people who don't even like kids, here's one for you: It's different when they're yours. Really. I would beg to differ. Newspapers are cluttered with stories of parents who definitely didn't feel that way. I don't think the woman who drowned her 3 kids felt that way. I don't think the guy who dropped his kids off at a fire station felt that way. I actually don't even think my own mother felt that way. I really don't think 25% of parents feel that way. I honestly see tons of parents out there that aren't entirely glad they're theirs.

I'd like to share a little story with you as well. I have a friend in her mid 30's that has been married (recently divorced) and has no kids. She's got an awesome (and successful career) as a firefighter. She's been a smokejumper and a hotshot and is now looking at making Chief. She still doesn't want kids. She's got a dog that she mothers quite well. She told me a story about a discussion she had with her grandmother who was dying. She asked her grandmother if she had any regrets in her life. Her grandmother's only regret was having kids. She said "don't get me wrong, I love my children but I think my life would've been fuller without them".

I think we all want something different out of life. Here's a quote that makes my point beautifully: People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. ~H. Jackson Browne. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. Not everyone wants to be a parent. Not everyone who is a parent should be. I'm a little confused by everyone's insistence that I'll one day become a mother (intentionally). I'm told I'd make a good mother. Well, maybe. But I think I make an absolutely fabulous child-free person as well.