Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Small

Something that really stood out to me on my trip with Emily, my best friend's ten year old daughter, was how when we went out to eat, she was nearly ignored. The waitress would address me directly and would hardly look at her. Maybe parents are used to this and it's nothing new or surprising. When I'm not eating alone, I'm used to my companion being addressed equally. Most of the time Emily ordered for herself, and the waitress would address her then. She's old enough to decide what she wants to eat, especially on vacation. And who am I to tell her what she's going to eat? I'm not her mom.

Boarding our flight from Honolulu to San Diego, there was a big crowd of people pushing to get closer to the front of the line. I walked behind Emily and watched as people on the left and right of her squeezed past her and her roller bag. At one point, she stopped and turned to face me.

"Am I that small?"

My first thought was yes. I told her people do it to me too and they're just being rude. I am also considered small. People actually call me "tiny" as if it isn't the slightest of insults. I no longer take it personally. I can usually do more pull-ups than those people.

On the plane, Emily sat on my right, and a young man sat on my left. As usual, the man hogged the arm rest. He didn't just set his arm on it, but his elbow pointed out into my space. As is habit, I tried to take up less room, and apologized when I accidentally bumped his arm. I let it go, as Emily had lifted the arm rest between us and was curled up with her head on my lap.

Women are taught to be small, quiet, invisible. Don't be loud, don't take up space, don't burden anyone. I don't want Emily to be small, or timid, or afraid to speak her mind. She's going to be a small woman in a hard world and she needs to be aggressive. But there's a fine line. I wouldn't want her to turn into a rude, obnoxious snot either.

I find that I have to pick my battles when it comes to being aggressive or letting things go. Some times you have to stand your ground, but kindness and patience can go a long way. Especially when others are pushing each other, jockeying for position in a line to get on a plane with assigned seats. They're not going to leave without you.

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