Solo Voyager

It must have been my dad's nonchalant way of traveling, throwing three kids into a jeep wrangler and driving across country, or across international borders, that made me view travel as no big deal. As soon as I had my drivers license and a car I was all about exploring. I drove up to Dana Point my senior year in high school, because I could. I drove down to Mexico, either with a friend, or even solo. I catapulted myself into unknown situations, not necessarily fearless but certainly undaunted.

Christmas came quickly after my dad died and we celebrated it because we thought we should. But for me it was too harsh, too raw, too forced. Christmas came around the next year and I couldn't face it again. On a whim, with no careful planning, I purchased a plane ticket to Rome. What better way to be completely distracted from the pain of the holidays than to be lost in a country where you don't speak the language?

Since then I have traveled to several countries, moved to different towns, explored worlds outside of my own- cultures, religions, places, food- all mostly alone. Every once in awhile I find someone to share the experience with me, but more often than not, I venture on with nothing for company except for a journal and a camera. And a little bit of courage.

Kindness and humility goes a long way. If ever you find yourself in an uncertain situation, be kind and humble and you'll be surprised by who is willing to give you assistance.

Today it occurred to me that although I am in a steady relationship, I am no closer to having someone to share my adventures with. Jason lives 400 miles away now, and since it's fire season, visitation is extremely limited. I just got him for 24 hours after not seeing him for 6 weeks.

We took the train up to San Francisco to visit the Exploratorium and China Town.

Yes, that is an A's ball cap. But that's ok as I'm a Padres fan anyway.

The Exploratorium was a huge maze of hands on science. A lot of the exhibits were things I've learned in the past year and a half of grad school. It's pretty neat to see stuff like that.

My dad would really appreciate this. It's made entirely of toothpicks. It's basically a 3-D mural of all of San Francisco. I have a photo of a building my dad made entirely out of toothpicks...detailed down to the staircase inside, when he was either in high school or college.

Yesterday morning before Jason left, we did a leisurely bike ride around the reservoir. I thought about what a beautiful day it was, and how there was so much in the world to do and explore. Then I thought about how I had to say goodbye to him in a couple hours. The ride was bittersweet.

This morning I had a hard time getting myself going. I forced myself into the gym, managed a 6 mile run, even though throughout the first 3 miles I continually considered canceling it. I had plans to go to the Tech Museum but whenever I got the chance, I would get bummed because I was getting a little tired of exploring the world on my own. I thought once you get in a relationship, you automatically have someone to share your life and adventures with. I have found this is not so.

I knew I would enjoy the museum once I got there, it was just getting myself out of the house that was the problem. I could sit and wallow in my loneliness all day, or I could get out and see part of San Jose that I've yet to see.

Out I went.

Body metrics measures your brain waves, heart rate, muscle tension, and voice interactions with people. I was worried that because I was solo, this thing was going to report that I was a depressed loner.

A museum staff member gave me a briefing on the set-up. She also assured me that it would not say I'm a loner, simply because I'm alone (I still had my doubts).

I put on the headset that measured my brain waves, complete with an earlobe clip for my heart rate. The lady talked me through the instructions and I noticed my mood was already at "Ecstatic". Well this was embarrassing. People in the museum were going to be able to read my emotions....literally. I was terrified of displaying the "distracted" emotion while someone was talking to me. I was told to go out and explore the museum, wearing this thing for at least half an hour...and by the way, it takes photos every 5 seconds...unless you're in the bathroom and then it magically switches to bathroom mode and quits taking pictures (supposedly).

It kept telling me I was physically tense/anxious. I'm guessing this is because there was an EEG thingy stuck on my persistently tight trapezious muscle. I kept trying to relax.

It also decided I was paired. Someone was apparently following me around. Just kidding. It decides that based on your communication/social interaction. Kids everywhere jumped in on whatever I was doing and wanted to know how to do it. I tried explaining cyber-detective to a little kid and realized kids these days know far more than I did back then. He was slinging words like "malware" around, so I shot back some lingo including "IP address" as we saved the infrastructure of the internet from cyber bullies.

I watched kids experience an earth quake in the quake zone. I didn't bother to get in the line as we just had an earthquake up here when Jason was over. Enough to feel it, but not enough for me to worry about my safety.

I tried setting up a network, but a bunch of ten year olds were doing better than I was, so I took my embarrassment elsewhere.

I saw Earth from outer space.

It was projected onto a globe in a darkened room.

I found my "Moon Weight".

(19.6 lbs)

And my "Mars Weight".

(46.4 lbs)


I visited Mars and the Rover, and watched kids operate a miniature rover.

Apparently Mars is just not really that red. I guess the first media photos that came out were doctored to look more red to appeal to the American view of Mars. So....did we ever really land on the moon? Just kidding.

I circled around to check in on my body metrics....into the Data Pool!

I am apparently a Confident Doer. I can buy that. I just go out and do things. Maybe because it's how I was raised. I did not have cautious parents, my biggest role model was an adventurer (my dad), and I was an international traveler at a young age. Somehow, I learned that if you want to do something, just go out and do it. I never knew any other way.

I was mostly ecstatic while in this museum (ha!). I was also very engaged (well it is a technology museum). And also quite anxious. Tight traps. I was socially paired somehow, and small parts quiet and chill.

There were tabs that indicated when I was my most -something. Most engaged, most ecstatic, most quiet, etc. These moments came with little snapshots of what I was doing at the moment. I was my most still while being a cyber detective. I stood at that thing fighting off malware for who knows how long.

And here:

I was my most ecstatic at 1:49:09 pm...when I was getting my Mars weight.

Well that's a little odd. I tried to think back how that went. I had just gotten my moon weight, which was pretty cool. Then I went around the corner and saw another scale, and assumed it was Earth Weight, to compare with Moon Weight. I was excited to see it was Mars Weight!!! How funny. It's also funny that out of all the exhibits I saw in the hour of wearing that thing, getting my Mars weight made me my most ecstatic.

I also got my face projected onto an astronaut that hung from the ceiling, but my phone refused to take a good picture of it.

I went upstairs and participated in some other cool technology exhibits...in which none of my cool photos turned out.

Then I went to the IMAX dome to watch the short film on Jerusalem.

Jerusalem has been on my list of places to go, but I guess not at the top. I don't really have any ties to it except that what life is complete having never been to Jerusalem?

I read a book called "Man Seeks God" (very good book, I recommend it). He mentioned upside down coffee in Jerusalem. Whatever it was, I had to have it. Jerusalem moved up a couple notches.

They weren't playing Hubble today, so I went to Jerusalem instead.

I am so going to Jerusalem some day. The mix of culture, history, religion, and architecture is thrown together like no other place I know. The film instilled in me a sense of wonder that pulled me towards it. I want to go. And not just for the upside down coffee.

I left the theater feeling like I usually do while out exploring. Feeling wonderment, satisfaction, independence....ecstatic I guess.

Walking back to campus where my car was parked, I came across Psycho Donuts. I've heard some wonderful things about it. I've been eating particularly healthy lately, so....

Thrown by all the tempting choices, I considered the consequences of ordering several and taking a couple home.

I could not see much good coming from that sort of decision. I chose one special donut to be my friend and companion for awhile. Raspberry Road Rash was his name. A chocolate cake donut with raspberry dust and chocolate and vanilla icing. And a black coffee to wash it down.

I sat at a window and watched downtown San Jose move by. No, solo explorations are not terrible. While it is nice to have someone to share these moments with, I know I can always write them down and share my sense of wonder with others, and maybe inspire a little exploration courage in them too. Because it is awesome to experience something new, to embark on a journey, to discover something you've never seen before.

Don't wait for a companion.