The Price of Habit

People speak so highly of will power and self-discipline, but I find those characteristics miserable. I crave habit- the result of a few weeks of will power and self-discipline. When I no longer have to dig deep for motivation to get me out of my soft, cozy bed when it's still dark outside.

I'm working on getting back into my winter routine: gym in the morning before work and another workout at work. I've been to the gym a few times lately and have done a couple runs. I'm out of shape, tired and unmotivated. Some of you might scoff in disbelief. Hey people, it's hard for me too!

This morning I awoke to the sound of my gurgling coffee pot. My bed was warm and soft, my body tired from a weekend of yard work, cleaning the house and moving and stacking two chords of firewood. Not even the coffee pot could lure me out of bed.

I watched the clock. 5:10. Yeah you're fine now but in two weeks you have to actually be arriving at the gym right now. Get up!

Without turning on any lights I stumbled to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. Yes, I pour my coffee in the dark. Lights are harsh. I brought my coffee back to bed with me and sipped it in the dark.

5:20. Geez! How did that happen? Guess I'm not making it to the gym at 6am. I turned on the lights and got dressed.

I made it to the gym at 6:15, grabbed a 30lb barbell and took it to the basketball court. I did a couple warm up lunges with no weight and then lined up on the red line behind the barbell. I would lunge across the gym with the barbell and go immediately into a one minute plank. Repeat for 3 sets.

Go.

My balance was off and my knee hurt from putting it down on a nail while painting the house- full weight of my body onto the thin edge of the head as it lay on the ground. I made it to the end of the court (lengthwise), set the barbell down and lowered myself to the floor.

And there it was.

I don't even know what to call it. It's this child-like whimper of a voice that cries out from the depths of my soul. This is what I battle day in and day out. You could say it's weakness trying to take over,  but that doesn't even begin to describe it.

It was in that very brief moment that I realized exactly how much aggressiveness successful weightlifting depends on. And at that moment my very heart and soul lay curled in a fetal position, whimpering on the gym floor. What's a girl got left to hold on to?

Habit, I told myself. I glanced at my watch, put my elbows down and planked. You have done this a hundred times before, you will do this now. One minute, sip of water, repeat.

Awesome. Demon conquered. Now squat.

I managed to half-ass my workout, did a decent stretch and slunk on home. The weather called for rain. I stayed in my gym shorts and headed for work.

Clouds loomed overhead. I was going to get rained on. Thankfully another guy at work was going to run as well. So off we went, a bit faster than I had planned on going. We got rained on, but finished the hilly 3.2 mile run.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, can hold a candle to the power of habit. Once established, habit will get you out the door and running in snow storms. Relying on will power and self-discipline leaves me naked and ill-prepared for that whimpering child that tugs me back towards bed or the nearest floor. I've heard it takes two or three weeks to develop a habit. Let's hope it's two.

Habit does what self-discipline and will power cannot. Habit hears that whimper, puts on a pair of headphones and gym shoes and walks out the door- leaving that whimpering child at home in bed where she belongs.