Winter Blues

This has been coming for a couple weeks now but I didn't see it until it smacked me in the face this morning. Winter. Ick. I forgot how much it affects me. People around here get excited for the snow because it means a return of winter sports. I dread it. I do have fun when I go snowboarding, but I have to be dragged out of my house. It's cold out there!

I haven't seen the sun for days. And last year I purchased a light lamp but didn't see much of a difference. I didn't suddenly get motivated or feel happier. So I think it ended up at the thrift shop. Supposedly exercise and going outdoors is supposed to help. I exercise for over 12 hours per week, half of that outside...in the rain/sleet/snow/wind. It's not doing anything but making me want to stay inside more.

This morning I peeked out the window and it was snowing. For about half a second I thought, Oh, how beautiful. Then it was gone. I think I was in denial that it was ever actually going to snow up here. I think it's late this year. We got snow maybe a month or so ago but it went away. Now it's back. And this morning I got the feeling that this stuff is here to stay for a few months. It sent my soul spiraling down to the depths of hell in  a hurry. And I knew it would only be a few hours before I would have to head outside to get wood and wood pellets.

A couple weeks ago I noticed my lack of motivation with some house projects. I thought maybe I was tired from my new workout schedule. I get plenty of sleep, exercise and eat well. The projects were not large. We're talking a 4 inch by 4 inch patch that needed to be painted on my ceiling. And it took me several weeks to work up the motivation to do it.

At work when I'm scheduled to run, I watch the weather out the window and dread having to go out in it. When it's over, it's fine, always. But before and during it's pretty miserable.

What really made it sink in was that today is Saturday. Saturday is a good day. Nothing really on my list of things to do. Except some Christmas stuff. While working on my Christmas stuff, it occured to me that I needed to go to Walmart to accomplish Christmas.

That did it. I envisioned all the Christmas shoppers that would be at Walmart right now. Walmart is the only place in town for people to buy Christmas gifts...ok, not the only place, but probably the most likely. We don't have a mall. We have one or two small town gift shops and a Walmart. So not only is it gray and white outside, cold and slippery (I slipped brining in wood this morning- caught myself) but there would be a ton of shoppers in Walmart.

I haven't gathered up the courage yet. This is going to be a tough winter.