Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Showers

The other night a guy from the electric company called and wanted to ask a couple questions about the energy saving rebate program I took part in when I bought my refrigerator. The last call I got from the electric company lasted all of 5 minutes because I didn't really know a whole lot about the energy saving light bulbs and didn't really go out of my way to purchase them. I answer these calls because people are friendly up here and talk, so I'm trying to assimilate. Not to mention it's fairly lonely up here and I've started answering solicitors calls just to have some one to talk to.

When I bought my house, it didn't come with a refrigerator, so I went out to get one. It was a sort of desperate purchase because it would dictate when I got to live in my new house. So I went to the local appliance store and picked one out that I thought would fit (I had measured height and width but not depth...which is apparently pretty important). Anyway, my refrigerator is an energy efficient one so it came with a $20 rebate incentive from the local power company. Ha. No, the $20 did not inspire me to purchase the refrigerator, which was one of the questions the guy asked me in the survey the other night.

First of all, he had a terrible speech impediment. I don't mean to knock anyone who's got a speech impediment, but I just don't think telephone surveys are the way to go in that case. But I let him continue on while my Irish stew got cold and my stomach continued to get ever more empty. He also had a tendency to apologize or say "that's alright" as if I gave him a wrong answer. It also became very apparent that most people do not agree to do the survey because he'd finish a question and then say "Oh wow" and continue with another one, as if he was shocked that the survey kept droning on. I was too. But by that time I was fully committed (or should be as Johnny would say).

Then he got to some interesting questions which gave me some pause. "On average, how many showers per week are taken in your household?"

Please keep in mind, there's only one of me in my household. I couldn't hold back my chuckle and he apologized for what seemed to him to be an embarrassing question, which caused it to become an awkward moment for the both of us. I thought about lying. Those who know me real well know I do not shower every day. Especially in the winter. Not to throw anybody under the bus (oh heck, I'm throwing somebody under the bus) but Candace told me if she had my job she wouldn't shower every day either. Actually she doesn't have my job and I'm fairly certain she still doesn't shower every day (tha-thunk, tha-thunk).

The first answer that popped into my head was 3, which while being the most accurate, was not one I'd advertise to just anybody. So now there was an even more awkward pause as I tried to do the math in my head: weighing how many days there were in a week, versus how many days a week it's unacceptable to not shower, versus how many times I week I honestly shower. (Right now Melissa is cringing. We had this conversation, didn't we?) I either settled on 4 or 5, I cant recall at this point. He said ok and jotted it down.

"And how many baths are taken per week in your household?" Oh, shoot. Those were tallied in my shower answer. Should I go back and correct him on the shower number? Better not. He was obviously uncomfortable at this point. I told him one, which isn't far from the truth. On average.

I'm surprised he didn't ask about how many times I have to flush my toilet in a given day. The survey lasted almost 25 minutes. It was painful, literally. I'm glad he didn't ask about how often I shave my legs.

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