Where did my self respect go?

Anybody seen it? I may have lost it in Bakersfield in a Borders that was going out of business. I had grown a little tired of my current collection of cookbooks, what with all the Mediterranean, Italian and Greek healthy morsels and all. You know, at one point I considered learning how to make sushi, but the idea of buying and consuming raw fish in Yreka made me slightly nervous. So some crazy idea popped in my head to buy a French cookbook. I blame it entirely on Julie and Julia. Did any of you see that movie? The chick gains somewhere around 20lbs in midst of all her self taught cooking lessons. Why? Because French food is BAD FOR YOU! That's why they call it French fries. Not because those are French made potatoes (no, French made potatoes probably have much more creme and butter in them) but because anything that scrumptious and bad for you must be French.

Oh sure, you look at my last entry and see all the healthy fresh ingredients that I have laid out on the cutting board and think what a healthy path I've laid out for myself. But you don't see the story behind the photos, the story that I never wrote, because little did I know (or maybe I knew and this super long winter caused me not to care) that I was heading down a dark and dangerous path.

Friends used to come over to my house and have coffee and wonder where I kept my sugar. I had none. When I went to thicken some sauces and it called for flour, I had none, and dealt with the thinner sauce. Who needed filth like sugar and flour in the house? No, not me. I drink my coffee black and eat fresh meats and vegetables and use extra virgin olive oil instead of butter. I've got wild rice and whole wheat pasta and fresh fruit and greek yogurt.

What has happened to me??!!! In my cupboards as we speak, a terrible thing is happening. I've got cane sugar (white, by golly), cocoa powder, semi-sweet chocolate and I just bought butter (real butter) for the third time in a month!!! Something needs to be done. This is ridiculous and it is so not me. I need to go back to Mediterranean cooking and learn how to make Indian curries. I'm thinking I should get rid of the sugar and flour and hide my French cookbook. I am not a baker and there are reasons for that. I certainly don't need to be adding creme fraiche to all my meals, not to mention the large amounts of butter I've consumed on my own this past week. Aarrgghh!!! This is cabin fever at its worst!