I breathed a sigh of relief as the temperature dropped about 15 degrees as I got into Sacramento and wondered to myself Who on earth would choose to live in Redding? I fueled up in Lodi where a group of what appeared to be bikers (Harleys, not Lance Armstrongs) loitered about. You know those people who you can look at and only imagine what kind of drugs they're on? This was them... the funny thing was, I didn't see any Harleys for miles around. I got my water, smoothie and Starbucks Double Shot and got out of there.
It was then that I entered the bleak vast valley of central California. You know you're in central California when you being to wonder how the bugs survive. It could be equated to Death Valley, except that Death Valley has a certain beauty to it and it smells better. It was Africa-hot so I stopped at a gas station in Los Banos where 3 out of 5 of the bathrooms were out of order and I couldn't help but laugh at the irony. I used my sharpest key to slice open the bag of beef jerky that I had been wrestling with for the last 200 miles and was on my way again.
I began to marvel at the ingenious invention of the automobile. Specifically, my automobile. For a couple years now I've noticed that my right foot gets rather hot after awhile of driving. After melting the beef jerky and overheating my phone, I realized it was the entire center console that overheats while driving. The temperature gauge of the engine remained steady at 210 degrees, which is normal. There sat in the pit of my stomach a little knot saying that not all temperature gauges on vehicles operate as they should and that it was indeed possible that my vehicle could suddenly overheat in the 110+ degrees of this god-forsaken place. I would be stranded along the side of the road with my only hope for shade being underneath my car. I shuddered at the thought and moved my now 200 degree water bottle out of the cup holder on the center console to the seat beside me to cool off.
It also amazed me that tires don't blow more often than they do. Consider the heat that they endure while driving 650 miles in the hottest part of the day on asphalt that is probably 100 degrees hotter than the air at 80 miles per hour. I made a mental note to put a piece of 2x4 lumber in my jeep being as I've known for over a year now that the factory jack that I have doesn't lift the vehicle high enough to remove the tire. I figured in an emergency I could stick a couple maps and shoes under it to give it a few more inches.
A sign on the side of the freeway read "Mercy Hot Springs: Hot Soak, Cool Swim". I'm not sure mercy out here would ever have anything to do with a hot soak and I wondered how there could possibly be a "cool swim" anywhere in the vicinity. I looked around and saw no water for hundreds of miles and figured it was one of those tourist death traps like on the movie "Wrong Turn" where they end up getting eaten by mutants. I traded my curiosity for safety and drove on.
You'll notice that along stretches of road such as this that are no highway patrol officers. They aren't stupid. If a CHP got stranded anywhere along the central valley no one would stop to help and they'd probably throw rocks at him. It's a very unforgiving place in case you've never been there. Bring plenty of water and a couple guns. Don't be fooled though that you can just break the law all willy nilly- there's signs along the freeway warning potential law breakers that speed is indeed enforced by aircraft. Everyone out here is going as fast as their vehicle can safely go in Hell without overheating either to get out of the heat as soon as possible or to simply escape the boredom. I envision single-engine crop dusters swooping down and making dives at the speeding vehicle. How they issue a ticket, I'm eternally curious but no matter how fast I've driven I've yet to be the victim of modern day kamikazees.
Oddly enough, I whizzed by multiple signs stating that Congress had created this Dust Bowl.
I considered what Congress could have done to cause this much devastation and I have to admit, I have my doubts. I'm not personally a fan of the American Government but the fact of the matter is that the government is chosen by the people and the people choose the government based on their values. I have no idea what this valley looked like a hundred years ago but I'm betting it didn't have a single tree in it. Truthfully though, Congress is not the only one using water and if the American people weren't so wasteful and greedy, this dust bowl might have a little grass in it. I'm not sure how the cows make it out here.
I continued on with very little change in scenery and Louis Armstrong declared it was a wonderful world as the smell of 200 degree cow manure hit my nose like an ammonia inhalant. I've heard all sorts of anecdotes on navigating out on the ocean such as following birds to find land. An important navigational lesson occurred to me after many miles of observation: you'll know you're nearing a city when the jerks on the road suddenly being to multiply like rabbits and you begin rooting for the highway patrol.
The sun began to set and I was afforded the mercy of a cool breeze blowing through the window. Los Angeles looked serene as it faded into the bright pink sunset in my rear view mirror. I gave up on the noise of the stereo and just listened to the wind. Peaceful as it may sound, I just don't want to get into the horrid details of the profanity that came out of my mouth shouting at the punks on the southern California freeways. I thought back to the trucker on the road who had painted his rig to say "Jesus Christ is Lord, not a swear word". I can only think that he's never driven in southern California.
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